DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of T'Kuht and is copyright (c) 2002 by T'Kuht. Rated PG.
Admiral Komack's office at Star Fleet was as authoritative as he was. Jim Kirk felt like a schoolboy waiting to be scolded out in the hall. Beside him, Spock sat just as stiffly. They had been summoned as soon as the ship had docked for leave. Kirk sighed. Spock looked at him, "Yes?"
"Nothing, just breathing. Wonder what's up now?" the Captain of the USS Enterprise mused.
Before Spock could manage a reply, the door opened and Komack's yeoman bustled out. "He's ready to see you gentlemen now."
The two officers stepped quickly into the spacious office and waited at attention for Komack to look up from his paperwork. "Sit down," he ordered without glancing at them.
Spock took the chair on the left, Kirk the one on the right. Komack met their eyes with a fierce expression. "It has come to Star Fleet's attention that you two are wanted men."
The two glanced at each other. They weren't certain what he meant.
"Do you have any explanation for this?" Komack demanded.
"Excuse me, sir, can you be more precise?" Kirk said respectively.
"This," the Admiral said and slid a datapadd across the desktop to stop short of falling off the edge. He'd had many years of practice at that shot.
Kirk read through the message. "You have to be mistaken."
"Not according to tests and scans. I can understand you, Jim, but, Commander Spock, do you have an explanation?"
Spock read the message. One eyebrow went up and then the other. It was ludicrous. It was impossible. Besides, it was illogical. "I can offer no valid explanation at this time. From all the data I have available it is quite impossible for this to occur."
"Well, there is one thing for certain. It has to stop. So, to keep this from getting any further out of hand, there are some new deductions from each of your paychecks. You will find them individually noted each week. If any more incidents are discovered, they will be added."
"But, we'll be broke," Kirk complained.
"Well, then you'll just have to curb your inhibitions," Komack said. It was not a request or a suggestion. "Do either of you have any questions on this matter?"
Kirk puckered up as he decided whether he was going to say something or not. Spock drew in a breath, exhaled it slowly, "Are we to be given more details on these entries?"
"If you want. I should tell you that these are not voluntary admissions. It is for their good."
Kirk and Spock sat stunned into silence. Kirk's mind whirled, but it didn't go very far. He was certain that the calculations were correct. He was human after all, but Spock ... Spock was a surprise and he had only two entries less than Kirk had.
"You two are premiere in our fleet. You two represent the best and apparently now the worst of what Star Fleet has to offer. We want to clean up the mess you two have left behind. Don't make any more, is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," they chorused and rose to attention before leaving. They didn't speak until they were safely aboard ship and in Kirk's cabin. Jim poured himself a large glass of brandy. "I don't suppose you want any?"
"On the contrary, this particular incident does deem some type of deadening device necessary," Spock agreed and took the tumbler in hand while Kirk poured.
"I don't understand. I know about my problems. I've always been that way but you? You've always refused shore leave."
"I have been on 94% of the landing parties," Spock reminded.
"Jesus ... well, we're going to be extremely poor men if they deduct as much as they say they are going to," Kirk figured.
"Indeed. Our pay will decrease tremendously. My concern however is not the pay but the recipients. Who are they, were they? It would be only logical to know."
"You are so right. After all, we might be getting stuck with stuff that's not even our responsibility. Do you think you could get a read out of this file?"
Spock nodded. They were entitled after all. It was an easy task. Within moments they were going through the lines of copy and pictures that were attached. Spock's musings were nearly the same as Kirk's. "I do not even know this woman."
"Who is Jana McGuire? Oh, yeah ... that little red head on oh where was that?" Kirk struggled to remember.
"Here is the picture," Spock offered and showed Kirk a gurgling infant that was purported to be his biological son.
"Looks just like me, but Spock ... I think you're getting stiffed for this one. He, she ... it doesn't resemble you a bit. It looks more like a rock."
Spock greened slightly at the eartips. Kirk looked more closely at the description. "Spock, a HORTA! You had sex with a HORTA?"
"I do not believe it was what humans would term sex, but yes, it was a definite exchange of information," Spock replied calmly. The silicone-based creature didn't look at all like it was part Vulcan, but if the DNA said so it had to be true.
"Well, Spock, there seems to be only one answer to all this," Kirk said after half a glass of brandy. Spock looked at him interested, if only on how to save at least part of his salary. "We're going to have to get married, settle down. Do you have any suggestions?"
If Spock could look aghast at anything Kirk would have said it was that. For 45 years he'd been footloose and fancy free even when he was 'married' to T'Pring. Now, Kirk wanted to tie nooses around both of their necks. But, he did see a bright side. A wife would surely have her own separate income that he could use to live on. "It would be more productive if we married someone aboard ship."
"We don't need more production, Spock. But, that's a good suggestion, sort of an every night type of thing," Kirk agreed and squinted at the idea. "We'll put names in a hat and draw lots. How does that sound?"
"If that is how you wish to choose your future wife. I have a candidate in mind, however. If she will agree to it of course," Spock said confidently. She'd been chasing him for years after all.
"Chapel? Well, now that you mention it, Uhura is a very, very nice woman. She has a well-rounded personality, if you know what I mean?" he said innocently.
Spock nodded. "Yes, indeed she is. Then it is settled. We ask Miss Chapel and Miss Uhura to marry us so that we can have a salary to live on?"
"And get some every night," Kirk added.
"Yes, that is only logical. Do you think they will agree?" Kirk looked in the mirror that hung above his wardrobe, stuck his chin out, grinned, "With these faces how can they resist?"
Spock rose one eyebrow. "I believe that might be how we got in this mess in the first place."
"Just remember ... I have more kids than you," Kirk reminded.
"Only two, there is still time," Spock challenged.