DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The vignette is the creation and property of Good Twin/Evil Twin and is copyright (c) 2004 by Good Twin/Evil. Rated PG.

HANDS THAT HOLD

Good Twin

While I was beginning to regain consciousness I could feel your hands as I have so many times before, reassuring me that everything would turn out well. That you would do all that was in your power and more if necessary to make sure that it did. That you felt that it was your responsibility to keep me safe. I am always bombarded by your emotions, since I am a touch telepath. I can always feel your overwhelming love for me. Yes, that is true.

But I can also say that you also do your utmost to dampen those feelings down while you are on duty. I have noticed that you always put your responsibilities as a healthcare professional first, then a woman second. I respect that about you. I know that must be so difficult for a human to do. I hold you in such high regard for your ability to exist in two different modes. It must be so hard to divide your soul.

As I open my eyes, I am drowning in a pool of blue reassurance that all is right with the universe. I wish that were true. You just pat my hand and walk away. I so desperately want to call you back and beg you not to leave me here all alone. Can't you see that I am not well? Can't you see that I have a terminal illness? That only you can provide the cure? No, of course not. How could you see the obvious? When for so many years I did not see it myself? I am suffering from a love overdose.

How I wish that I could be so efficient at putting my emotions to the side. You have no idea how much time that takes on my part to banish thoughts of you from my mind.

I envy the way that you are so carefree with your smiles. You just give them away without a second thought. You have no idea what a high cost they are to me. I want to steal each one just for me and lock them away. Then I would take them out each night and hang them above my bed. And when my sleep would not come I would gather each one and lay it against my heart.

Take your laughter. Don't your know that each time you laugh it is like a lash against my heart. I want to record your laughter only for me. Then I want to keep it in my earpiece and replay over and over again when everyone thinks that I am listening to ship's business.

But I know all these things are not possible. We both are who we are. I am too scared too change. Maybe, just maybe, one day I will trip over some common sense and will see that it is logical to be happy! There is always hope, isn't there? Then I will be the one who will be holding YOUR HAND AND NEVER LETTING GO!