DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story is the creation and property of Good Twin/Evil Twin and is copyright (c) 2004 by Good Twin/Evil. Rated NC17.
A FLY ON THE WALL...
"Oh Chris, they are so adorable," said Uhura.
"Yes, they both have such bright, blue eyes. How are you ever going to tell them apart?" said Jim.
Chris said "The one left is named Tadpole and the one on the right is named Skeeter."
Doctor McCoy who was holding the twin boys in his lap said, "Huh?"
Spock who was sitting on the arm of his wife's chair just took a deep breath and raised both eyebrows and cleared his throat and looked at his wife as he increased the pressure the of his fingertips on her shoulders.
Chris sighed and said, "Well, officially their names are Sekar James and Soldak Leonard."
"Why those nicknames, Chris?" asked Uhura.
"Didn't you notice they both have purple birthmarks on them? Sekar has a small one in the shape of a tadpole on his pinkie and Soldak has one on his pinkie in the shape of a mosquito," said Chris.
"Well, I"ll be darned. I've never seen anything like this," commented Uhura, leaning over to look at the boys' pinkies.
"Maybe it was something that you ate when you were trying to get pregnant or something that you or Spock came into contact with? You know that you did try so many cockamamie things," said Doctor McCoy slyly.
Chris who sipping a glass of nectar of fruit of the Kadezh plant spewed it all over her new blouse. Uhura rushed over to pat her on the back and to inquire if she were all right. Spock just turned a deeper shade of green. He seemed to find a corner of the ceiling of sudden great interest.
Tadpole and Skeeter, sensing their parents' distress, decided that a change in direction of the conversation needed to take place. Simultaneously they decided that Doctor McCoy's shirt needed to be decorated by baby spit-up. Lots of baby spit-up. Later Doctor McCoy would swear that the boys winked at each other.
JUST HANGING AROUND -- PART 2(A)
"How is Project BITO going?" asked Uhura as she took a bite of her sandwich at lunch with Chris and Janice.
"Yeah, Chris, you seem so down lately," commented Janice.
"Project Bun In The Oven is not going well. I want to have Spock's baby so badly but nothing seems to be happening. He just keeps telling me to relax and 'that it is illogical to worry'. You know I hate it when he is right," sighed Chris as she stirred her coffee absentmindedly.
"It will happen for you and Spock in God's due time. You both are going to make great parents. You've only been married over a year. You have to give it some time," said Uhura reaching over to pat Christine's hand.
"Well, time is one thing that I don't have. My biological clock is ticking away. I know that this sounds crazy but I am going to start trying some of the suggestion that I have gotten from some of the crewmembers, once it got out that Spock and I were trying to have a baby. I won't mention which two little birds told the whole world that we were trying but there initials are Uhura and Janice."
"WHO? US? We would never..." they both exclaimed trying but failing to look innocent.
"Anyway. I am desperate enough to try anything right about now starting tonight. I need your help. If either of you tell a living soul may a three inch pimple grow on your forehead and never heal AND may Aunt Flo visit you both each for three months straight. Janice, I need you to get some officinarum leaves and from the lab. I know that you are chummy with Lt. Fahn. He's been fanning your flames these past three weeks," said Chris.
"But, Chris, those leaves are hinted to be narcotics and hallucinogenic," whispered Janice.
"I have heard that rumor, too. Don't believe everything that you read," she said crossing her fingers under the table hoping that her nose wouldn't grow. "I want them to aid in conception. There have been studies down in Rigel that show that it has been successful for some couples. Lt Khiz suggested I use them. You know that she is shy and doesn't get close to many people. I was honored that she shared this information with me," confided Chris.
"Chris, how on earth are you going to get Spock to use them?" whispered Uhura. "You know he will balk at anything with a hint of impropriety about it."
"I didn't say that we were going to smoke the leaves. That is against Federation law. Nobody said that we couldn't eat them. I am going to make my famous brownies except these are going to have a little kick to them with a pinch of cinnamon," wolfishly smiled Chris.
"Girl, you are E-V-I-L," grinned Uhura rubbing her hands together.
"Yeah, really EVIL," smiling like a Cheshire cat said Janice.
* * *
"Mr. Spock, are you up for a game of chess, since we will be off shift in a minute?" asked Captain Kirk while Dr. McCoy stood by his side.
The minute the words left his mouth his mouth he knew that he had chosen the wrong ones to say in front of Dr. McCoy.
"No, Jim, I have another project that requires my full attention tonight, but thank you for asking. Maybe some other time," said Mr. Spock.
"I think Spock here," McCoy said, bouncing on his heels and rubbing his hands gleefully, "his project BITO will keep him UP for hours. No rest for the weary they say. Hard at work. Pushing to the limits of his endurance. Working up a sweat. Hmmm. Do Vulcan sweat? Yep, working long and hard. I think he is capable to the up and downs of the the job," McCoy said chuckling to himself, not noticing that Spock was turning a deep shade of green. Not a pleasant of green. An angry shade of green.
That's when the God of Heaven decided to use Lt. Uhura to save Dr. McCoy's life. She tripped accidentally on purpose into Mr. Spock so that he would have to catch her to keep him from choking the life out of Dr. McCoy.
"Oh, Mr. Spock, I'm so clumsy. Thank you for saving me", said Uhura. "I simply must watch where I put my feet," she said looking directly at Dr. McCoy.
"Gentlemen, excuse me. Goodnight," said Spock as the doors of the bridge swooshed behind him.
"Bones! One of these day! You are going to push Spock to far!" Jim said angrily.
"I know. I know," sighed McCoy. "Maybe I shouldn't have teased him so much, but he just walks right into it. I couldn't help it. You know that I hope that Project Bun In The Oven works for Spock and Chris. They will make great parents. Chris just has to learn to relax . She making herself a nervous wreck. I know that Spock has the patience of Job but one of these days it won't be me but Chris that will make Spock explode. Mark my words. I am willing to put some credits on it."
"Spock? Lose his cool with Chris? No way!" exclaimed Jim. "Let's make it hurt. 500 credits that Spock will keep his cool with Chris."
"You're on!" said McCoy as he shook hands with Jim.
* * *
Meanwhile in Spock's Cabin...
As he opened the door a flood of bubbles and the sound of music greeted him. Not your ordinary everyday bubbles, but bubbles from the Shore Leave Planet with special proprieties where he and Christine had spent their honeymoon. He allowed himself a tiny smile with the flood of memories that brought back. He went over and turned off the bubble machine. Next to it was a plate of brownies. His favorite treat and since he hadn't eaten anything he dived right in. As the bubbles burst all around him and he felt that familiar urge to strip off all his clothing and be free and uninhibited... and where on earth was Christine? He checked in the bathroom -- she wasn't in there? He was feeling really good right about now and then wondered where the music was coming from TINY BUBBLES IN THE WATER, TINY BUBBLES IN WATER ... over and over again. Then he remembered that was the song they heard on their honeymoon by some ancient singer named Don somebody. That when he saw the NOTE:
JUMP YOUR BONES 101
MEET ME IN THE GYM. USE YOUR LOCK CODE KEY
She had left her coconut bra on the bed and lei that she worn on their honeymoon. Oh, Goddess, what had she had worn to get to the gym? He hoped it was more that a grass skirt. He had better grab an extra robe just in case. He saw that she had left her ovulation chart with a big heart drawn on it. What really surprised him was what she had written in lipstick in the mirror in big letters
COME AND GET IT!!!!!
What's a Vulcan to do but follow instruction!
* * *
In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight
That was the song Spock heard as he palmed locked the gym door behind him. He was still nibbling on the plate of brownies that Christine had made. There were bubbles floating here too, hundreds of them. Those were aphrodisiac bubbles from the Shore Leave Planet. They tingle and cause you to lose your inhibitions when they come in contact with your skin. As he moved further across the mats on the floor the song changed to a Hawaiian drum song. The drums started slowly and picked up speed. Then he saw HER. His Christine with her back to him was wearing only two small leis around her ankles and two encircled her wrists and a wreath of flowers was holding her hair back and that was all. She was just wearing her birthday suit. A well-oiled birthday suit . A swaying to the music birthday suit. As she was doing the hula slowly he noticed that her movements had taken on a strange psychedelic hue of green, orange, red , yellow and blue. Everything seemed to be slightly out of kilter. As the hula dance sped up, her back was still turned to him. Her feet did a rapid tattoo. Faster and faster they moved. Her hips were swaying right and left. People think that the movement come from the hips, but it actually comes from the movement of the feet. Sweat began to gleam off her back. The drum beats were getting faster and faster.
Hips gyrating faster and faster. Drums and Hips. Hips and Drums. Sweat, Hips, Drums, Gleaming. I have to touch her. Taste her. He reached out to ....Then she whipped around her hair brushing across her lips.
"I didn't hear you come in, my love," said Christine as she gave a kiss of welcome. "I take it that you got my note."
"That was quite a dance, my wife," complimented Spock. "It reminded me of our honeymoon. One question. What is in these brownies? I feel rather strange." He touched his tongue with a finger and pulled out a piece of leaf that wasn't fully ground up.
Christine took it from him and chewed it quickly and said, "Now, you know that I never reveal my grandmother's secret recipe. I'd rather talk about somebody being overdressed. Here I went to all this trouble to wear my birthday suit for you and I made sure to polish it up for you. And this is how you show your appreciation for it, by keeping your robe on?" As she pulled the belt of his robe unloose and pushed it off his shoulders. "Now that's better. Are you thirsty?" she asked as he nodded his head.
Christine stood back for a moment and slowly walked around him and then she went over to the table where she had placed his favorite chocolate drink. She put her finger in it and tasted it and slowly removed it from her mouth. He was watching her every movement. He envied her finger. She said "Yum, Yum. It is just the right temperature." Then she poured the whole glass down her body. Chocolate ribbons trailed down her breasts, hovered on her nipples and scrolled downed stomach, gathered in the nest and trailed down her legs. She looked at Spock, whose eyebrows disappeared as she lay down with a pillow bunched under her hips and said "COME AND GET IT SUPPER IS READY!"
Spock just threw his head back and ROARED! The Lion definitely earned his sleep
IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT
IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT
He brought his mouth over her large breast and began to suckle it and getting some chocolate drink besides. He was burning up with desire. She was saying something, but he couldn't hear her. His mouth moved over hers teasing, sipping, nipping so that his tongue could penetrate the warm darkness inside it. She moaned huskily. She could see and smell the stars and colors that only he could show her.
He pinned her under him and penetrated her in one smooth, hard motion of his hips. He was home. His lips touched all over her face, down to her lips, brushing teasing them apart. His body teased as well, fencing with hers, deliberating prolonging the contact and then denying it.
"Even this," he whispered deeply into her ear, "is not close enough, is it?" He moved fiercely and moaned and she quivered again. "I've never wanted to go so deep...!!"
His body arched with a pleasure that was almost painful . He shuddered and groaned into her opened mouth. He felt her nails on his back as he moved more violently, tightening his grip on her hips. She opened her eyes and asked wordlessly as she dug as little deeper with her nails. Could she?
With each deeper plunge his response was a vocal. "Yes, claw me...!"
Christine lifted to him with her last sane impulse, straining for the elusive pleasure that suddenly shot through her like a volcanic eruption as her sharp nails bit into his hips, as he brought her to paradise.
His own body rippled with the sensation of unbearable sweet tension. It climbed into a fierce spiral and snapped into a thousand pieces of pure delight and darkness. He slept. As slowly opened his eyes he saw one of the more of the unusual things that he had seen in his much traveled life.
It was his wife, Christine, stark naked, hanging up sided down from the parallel bars with a smile on her face, blowing a kiss at him. Will wonders never cease with this woman? He crawled to her and just stared at her for 9.863 seconds. Then he cleared his throat and asked, "My wife, what are you doing?"
"Well, my husband, I'm just hanging around," she said with a giggle.
"My wife, I can see that. What I meant was why?" Spock inquired.
"Well, statistics have shown that elevation of the hips after intercourse helps in conception," reasoned Christine as she swinging back and forth saying, "Wheee."
"How many more of those brownies did you eat?" asked Spock as she flew by colorfully hiccupping as she went.
"Just two. Honey, could you do me a favor?" asked Christine.
"Yes, my wife," said Spock crawling closer.
"Could you hold my boobies for me. My arms are getting kind of tired while I hang upside down. I only got 3 more minutes," asked Christine as seriously as the day is long.
Spock considered that he could tell her to just come off the parallel bars but why pass up the opportunity to hold his wife's breasts. After all he was raised to be a gentleman and help a lady in her hour of need. So he gallantly reached over and covered her breasts with his large hands. What a hard job, but someone had to do it. Then after a while he heard her began to sniff. He became concerned. "What is wrong, Christine? Why are you in distress?" he asked with confusion in his voice.
She slid down beside him and lay in his arms and sighed. "Well, I just never had anyone that was willing to hold my boobies for me before. That was one of the sweet things that anyone has ever done for me before. I really love you with all my heart. I don't deserve you."
"Christine, you are my wife. You are my bondmate. We are in this together. I cherish you. There is nothing that I would not do for you," promised Spock.
"Well, since you said there is nothing that you wouldn't do for me. There is something I want to ask you... You are so sweet. I really don't deserve you." Tears started to flow again and her nose started to run. That is when she took the nearest cloth she saw to blow her nose. Only some one you truly love would allow you to do this. She used his robe to blow her nose. He just happened to be still wearing it. He just sighed and hugged her tighter. He thanked the Goddesses that he was blessed with this Woman. HIS WOMAN!
That was so beautiful! I was so touched that I didn't even land on the brownie that was left on table. I just floated on one of the bubbles and got into the airshaft and went back to their room. Boy! You should try one of those bubbles up your wings whoopee!! (BUZZ,BUZZ)
* * *
"I thought you meant what you said."
"You're exact words were There is nothing I would not do for you," said Chris as she looked at Spock with disbelief and tears in her eyes. Her lashes dampened by threatening tears. Her voice was shaking. "I really thought that you wanted to make a tadpole with me, but I guess you don't. You act like I am asking you to dance naked in front of the whole crew. It took me two whole weeks to hand crochet this for you," she said sniffing and wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I wanted to make sure that you were comfy. I personally made it because I didn't want anyone to know about it, since you are a private person. I made it extra large to accommodate your JOLLY GREEN GIANT and I even made two extra soft pockets for your lineage preservers so that they can swing freely and still keep in contact with said device which is necessary for said experiment for said agreement for period of time. And if you can't put up with a little bit of discomfort for the our marriage, I just don't know what to say. Well. FINE! DON'T WEAR IT! SEE IF CARE!" ranted Christine as paced back and forth in front of Spock in their quarters with the box thrown on the bed.
The box with the handmade ribbon that she had so carefully tied on the box. The box that she had hidden under the bed so the ribbon would not get crushed. Her hands were trembling when she handed it to him, because she didn't know how he would react. She had bitten her nails to the quick in anticipation. She had an even carefully chosen matching tissue paper to the ribbon. She had picked a beautiful shade of green that had matched his skin tone. Since he was going to have to wear this item she wanted him to be happy. She just knew that he would love the attention to detail that she given to this item. Anyone man would love to wear this item. It would be a fashion statement. She was sure that she was starting a new fashion trend. Maybe she could market this after this was allover. (Nah) She would just keep this between the two of them as their private play item. He was surely going to be so happy to try it on. Not!
"Christine, my wife," Spock said pacing back and forth with his back to Christine. "I am not going back on my word. I would do anything for you. But within reason. This is not within reason. Yes, I do want to create a child with you AND our marriage is important to me. While I appreciate your creative Uhm... (holding up the offending item) to aid in conception. I am not going to wear this or the other part of your request. I am a Star Fleet Officer. I have responsibilities and duties that supersede my relationship to you while I am on duty. I must command respect from the crew. Also I am your husband, as such you can not dictate to me what I will or will not do. Now Christine, all this emotionalism is really unnecessary. I have told before that once I have made my decision that my word is final. I hope that this is not going to be an ongoing problem that we are going to have to revisit. Another thing Christine. Take my Mother for example she..."
The sound of a door swooshing closing behind him caused him to turn around. Christine had stormed out of the room. Spock just stood there in shock. He could not believed that his wife had stormed out on him in the middle of a conversation. Was it something that he said? Was it something that he did? He reviewed the past few moments in his mind and concluded that the everything that he said and did was perfectly logical. He could not figure out what her problem was. He straightened his shirt and went on duty. Boy, did he poop and step back in it! He better check his boots. Buzz, Buzz!
* * *
THE MESS HALL -- LADIES TABLE AT LUNCH ( HER VERSION)
Chris is crying. Her friends are trying to comfort her. Uhura, Janice, Cindy, Mimi, Lt. Eagle, Lt. Johnson and Lt. Smith are all eating lunch.
"Come here, Chris. Tell us what is wrong. You were so excited earlier. You said that you had a surprise for your husband. What happened? Didn't it go well?" asked Uhura as hugged and patted Chris.
"Here, Chris. Wipe your eyes and tell us what happened. We are your friends. We hate to see you so unhappy," said Janice as she pushed the tissue packet toward Chris.
As Chris wiped her face and blew her nose, she sniffed a few times. She made everyone present swear under the penalty of death if they repeated a word of what they were she about to tell them. (Now we all know somebody is going to tell as soon as they leave the mess hall). They all crossed their hearts and hoped to die.
"You all know that Spock and I are trying to have a tadpole," said Chris. All the heads nodded in agreement sympathy in their eyes. "I have been doing some research on the effect of cold on the motility of 'swimmers'. How dropping the body temperature can aid in the conception. Also switching from briefs to boxers would also be an aid. It is amazing the advances that have come along. Not that my husband has a low sperm count or anything. It is just that I want to do everything I can to increase our chance to conceive. I don't think that I would hurt. There is this product that comes from Planet XZ9736 that use a chemical that lowers the body temperature without damaging the sperm, but it must come in direct contact with the genitals for three days. This device is similar to a jockstrap with modification that provides the cold but without damaging the swimmers and they allow for freedom of movement. I had even hand crocheted that jockstrap for his JOLLY GREEN GIANT, extra large of course. It even matched his skin tone. I handmade the a ribbon for the box and had matching tissue paper and all. It took me two weeks to crochet that blasted thing for him." The tears started to flow again. "And I... And I... even made separate pockets for lineage preservers. And he didn't even care!!" She turned into Uhura's arms and really started crying!!
"There, there Chris," said Uhura as she patted and rocked Chris.
Chris composed herself. She continued, "Then after I showed it to him and explained to him that I was not insulting his manhood, that I just wanted to kick start our baby making process, I thought he would be thrilled to do anything to help. Do you what he had the NERVE AND AUDACITY TO SAY TO ME? That I was being UNREASONABLE, THAT I AM EMOTIONAL. You know that he meant that I am a CRYBABY, if I don't get my way." The ladies all shook their heads in agreement. "Then he said the worst thing he could have said in the Universe. He compared me to his ... to his ... M..O..T..H..E..R..!!" She really started to cry again.
Janice gasped in shocked. "OH NO HE DIDN'T! I JUST KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T GO THERE!"
Lt. Smith said, "He actually compared you to his mother? How dare he do that to you? That was totally uncalled for!", putting her hand to her chest and sitting back.
"You know that men can be such babies sometimes when it comes to a little physical discomfort. They should be a woman for a couple of months and go through a few gynecological exams. See how they would like those tiny drapes and those wonderful stirrups," said Uhura.
"No. How about one of those months when the menstrual cramps are so bad that all you can do is crawl from the bed to the bathroom, or when your breasts are so sore that you can't stand to have anything to touch them," sympathized Lt. Eagle. "You know come to think of it my boyfriend has been acting like a dodo bird lately. Sometimes I think that all he sees me as is a sex object. Not that I don't like the sex. They don't call be Spread Eagle for nothing." They all laughed. She didn't mind. It was true.
Janice said, "Lt. Fahn stood me up for lunch the other day. I found out that he went to the gym to play with the guys. I think that I should come before playing with the guys, don't you?" The ladies all nodded their heads in agreement. Isn't it amazing how when one woman gets mad at her man, her friends get mad at their men too?
"You did all that work and he didn't work and he didn't even appreciate it. Then he had the nerve to compare you to his Mother. I think that he needs to be punished," said Mimi in righteous indignation.
"Yeah," said Cindy with an EVIL gleam in her eyes. "Punished." Then all the ladies put their heads together and started to whisper. P U N I S H ! P U N I S H! P U N I S H! BUZZ, BUZZ
* * *
After a long double shift Spock walked down the corridor to his quarters. Computer problems had not given him any time to consider his dilemma with Christine. He was rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. He was quite sure that as he approached the door that he could resolve the infinitesimal issue in maybe 3.798 minutes then spend maybe an hour to write a final report on the resolution of the computer problem, meditate, shower and go to bed to engage in some make up sex with Christine. He had done some research before his marriage showing that sometimes having intercourse after a disagreement can heal a breach in the relationship. Yes, the day was going to end on a high note. So he thought... Then he entered the cabin. He was greeted by a blast of cold air. A blast of very cold air. This was NOT a good sign.
Normally, the cabin temperature was adjusted to his body temperature, not tonight. As a matter of fact, it was down right cold. As he reached his hand to adjust the temperature control device a voice from the depths of hell said, "I would not touch that if I were you!" He, wisely valuing his life, put his hands behind his back.
"Christine, my wife, you appear to be upset. Did something happen in sickbay to upset you? Do you want to talk about it?" inquired Spock in all his naiveté, oblivious to his colossal mistake this morning. It did not cross his mind that he could be the source of her irritation.
"Spock, you have got to be kidding? Something at work? I think my problem is right here in here in this room. You just don't get, do you?" Christine said, outraged with tears streaming down her face.
"Christine, you are being emotional again," Spock said. "I thought we had talked about that this morning when I told that it would not make me change my mind when I have made my decision."
"Spock, I am going to stop you right here before you say anything else that is going to dig you in a deeper hole than the one that you are already in. I am going to take my shower and go to bed," stated Christine, shaking she was so angry.
"But, Christine, I have not finished speaking to you, " Spock said with frustration in his voice.
"Oh, yes, you have!" she yelled as she shut and locked the door in his face.
Spock paced the room for a moment. He was totally unprepared for this. This turn of events was not logical. Why was she not reacting as she was suppose to? He had tried to speak to her a calm and logical manner and she once again so emotional manner. Really, she just had to do the exercises that he had been trying to teach her to control herself. These outbursts were rather tedious, but he did cherish her so he knew that he could put with her idiosyncrasies. He was glad that he was the calm and cool one in the relationship. One who is the voice of reason.
She got into bed after her shower and slid to the side closest to the wall and pulled the covers up to her neck. Spock had tried unsuccessfully to meditate while she showered. After she came out, he went in and took his shower. Then he decided to sit at the computer to do the report on the computer problem earlier in the day. As he got ready to sign some other reports, he dropped his stylus on the floor. When he bent to pick it up, he noticed the waste disposal container next to his desk. On top was the very objects that were the current object of contention between him and his wife. The box, tissue paper, ribbon and the hand knitted loving cup holder were thrown in the waste disposal container. He knew that she was not asleep and that she was listening to his every move. He carefully picked it up off the top and put it in the pocket for later inspection.
As he approached the bed he noticed that Christine had on what she called her Aunt Flo gown which she wore when her menstrual cycle was occurring and that they would not be engaging in any physical intimacies. He knew for a fact that she just had her menses. So why was she wearing that gown? Didn't she know make up intercourse was required to cure any imagined hurts in a marital relationship? She would probably wanted him to take it off. She was probably just waiting for him to come to bed so that they could do what humans call KISS AND MAKE UP . Yes, that was it. He reached over to kiss Christine on the ....
With laser beams flashing from her eyes making direct hits over her shoulder, she said with so much feeling that would be no misunderstanding her meaning, "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"
* * *
After three hours of trying to go to sleep, he was finally was able to sleep. Then Spock felt it. It was so soft, round and so familiar. It was her butt. It nudged him over an inch more on the narrow bunk. He didn't mind. It was her butt requesting that he move over. He liked her butt, if it asked him something then he would deliver. Yes, sir. Move he would. Now to sleep perchance to dream. Two hours later. There it goes. Slyly. Asking him for more space. "Wait, I've got a few more inches before I' ll be on the floor. But I gladly give them up for you". Nudge Nudge "Just one more inch, that is all I ask."
"Okay. I will gladly give them to you," says his butt. "WHAM!"
"OUCH!" said Spock, holding his eye which was immediately turning lovely hues of black, blue, purple, red and yellow as he sat on the floor tangled in the covers. He had hit his eye on the edge of the nightstand next to the bed.
"Spock, my love," exclaimed Christine as she turned on the light next to the bed. "Are you alright? How did you get on the floor? Did you fall out of bed?" She being confused having been startled out of her sleep.
"Well, Christine, you did push me out of bed," stated Spock.
"I pushed you out bed?" she said incredulously.
"Not with you hands, but with your protruding posterior," stated Spock with nonchalance.
"So you are telling me that my BIG ASS KNOCKED YOU OUT OF BED?" she said scrambling to her feet.
"I didn't exactly say that. There is no need to raise your voice. I am the one with the injured eye," he said feeling slightly put out, after all he was the victim in all of this. She was the Doctor. Shouldn't she be rendering him aid at this moment rather than standing there glaring and ranting and raving at him. Really! Can't a Vulcan get any Respect!
"YOU MAKE ME SO... OOOOOO... I COULD JUST ..." SLAM went the door and click the bathroom again. This was getting to be a habit. Not a good thing.
Christine was in there so long that he was becoming concerned that she was going to make him late for his shift. They both were scheduled for the same shift. He was going to have to scramble even if she walked out right this second. She couldn't possible be doing this on purpose she knew that he was a stickler for punctuality. She came out just as he was about to knock. She looked stunning. She just stood there not saying a word. As she got ready to pass him, she held out her two fingers and he lifted his in response. The impact of the emotions that she projected almost knocked him to his knees. Hurt, sadness, confusion, frustration and most of all Love. Then she was gone. He blinked then he realized that left him 9.873 minutes to get ready. He didn't have time for a shower. He used a personal cloth on the necessary areas. He vibed his teeth. There was nothing he could do about his shiner until he got off-shift. He just had time enough to put some hair cream on his hair and he grabbed the nearest white jar and slathered it on his hair. It could dry in the turbo lift. He straightened his uniform and was out the door with exactly one minute and eleven seconds left as he walked briskly to the elevator. He kept wondering why he was getting all these stares as he was going to the elevator. He assumed it was because of the black eye. That was understandable. He could live with that. He arrived on the bridge and all conversation stopped.
Then the whispering started. It got louder until Jim Kirk turned around in his chair and was taken aback. He got up and came to Mr. Spock's side. "Mr. Spock," inquired Jim, "is something wrong?"
"You mean my injured eye, Captain?" asked Spock.
"Now that you mention that, what on earth happened to you? I had not even noticed that part of you. It is quite a shiner. What? Did Christine give you a black eye last night?" teased Jim Kirk.
"Yes, she did, Captain," partially explained Mr. Spock as a gasp was heard from Mr. Sulu at the helm which caused the Captain to turn around and glare at everyone who suddenly got very busy at their stations who were still straining with all their might to hear what was being said.
"What I meant was that Christine inadvertently nudged me in her sleep with her posterior as she was trying to get comfortable and I fell out of bed and hit my eye on the nightstand. That is all that happened," Spock explained in a hushed undertones to the Captain.
"Oh I see," said Captain Kirk still smiling. "But, Mr. Spock, you are obviously coming down with something that requires immediate attention. I am going to call a replacement for you. I am quite sure you have some sort of bug."
"Captain, I assure you that I am perfectly capable of performing my responsibilities. I appreciate your concern for my well being," stated Spock.
"Uhura, may I borrow this please?" asked the Captain, trying not to laugh.
"Yes, Captain," she replied.
"Mr. Spock, take a look, please," requested the Captain.
He almost dropped the mirror when he saw his reflection. He not only sported the black eye with its black, blue, purple, yellow and red hues. Now he saw his hair. He had in his rush to get dressed picked the wrong jar of cream. He had picked up Christine's jar of facial deep cleansing cream. It is clear just like his hair cream. That is why he didn't notice an immediate difference. There is a huge difference. Her cream starts out clear and then it turns.... it turns... such a beautiful shade of BLUE. He was now sporting a lovely shining cap of BLUE HAIR. The Captain was right. He did feel ill. Yes, when would this cold day in hell end?
* * *
A full assault on his senses were the first thing he noticed the next morning as he ran his hand across the place she usually occupied. The smell of fresh baked goods permeated the cabin. He could almost taste the cinnamon rolls. He opened one eye. There she was sitting only in a thin sheer black robe pulling apart a cinnamon roll and eating it with delight. She was licking the frosting from under her nails with her tongue. He wanted to do that for her. Oh, she was taking another bite. She dropped a piece between her breasts. She used her tongue to get it. He almost fell out of bed watching her. It was going to be one of those days.
"Good morning," she said, cheerfully bringing him a cup of tea and a plate of cinnamon rolls.
"Good morning, my wife," he responded sitting up and receiving his breakfast.
"I thought that you deserved some tender loving care after yesterday. I know that you have the day off, so I am going to pamper you. I feel really bad about the black eye and the blue hair even though none of that was my fault. I really do care, contrary to those nasty rumors. I just want you to know that I do love and care about you. I intend to see that you get everything that is coming to you. As soon as you finish eating I've got a few treats in store for you, my husband. I'm going to give you something I don't think that you have ever had from a woman." Christine said with a wicked smile.
"Oh?" inquired Spock as both eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.
"Let's heat things up a bit for you," she said as she turned up the temperature control on the wall. It soon began to feel like Vulcan in the cabin. Christine began to sweat and she began to hum like she didn't have a care in the world. She was gathering her supplies and equipment. "Come here, my love, sit right here," she requested as she guided her lamb to the slaughter. She patted the chair so loving. "Are you comfy? That's good. I want you to be relaxed. Take off your slippers and put your feet in the basin."
"Christine, I do not require bubbles," said Spock much to his chagrin.
"Spock, I am pampering you. Put your feet back in the basin. There is no one in here but you and I. Now relax," she said coaxing. She told him to give her his robe that she wanted to give him a massage. She began to massage his shoulders. "You are so tense. Let me work out some of those kinks." She was humming all the while. "Do you want me to get my special massage oil?" Christine asked leaning over to face him wiggling her eyebrows with a wicked grin.
"Only if you desire to do so," Spock stated with hope in voice. He was hoping for a very stimulating morning. A sexually stimulating morning. It was going to be a good morning after all.
She came back and went to work immediately. The room was filled with the smell of peppermint and chocolate. She worked the muscles of his shoulders and back. Rubbing and kneading. Kneading and stroking. Using her thumbs. Applying more oils. Trailing her fingertips down his back. Up and down. Work. Sweating. Hot in the room. Massaging over and over. Getting him totally relaxed. "My love, how does that feel?" she whispered as she ran her fingertips along his chin.
"Very soothing," he replied.
"Good. I am going to work on your feet," she said kneeling down. She went to work taking out his left foot giving it a good scrub and using her nail brush, pumice stone and then she did the same with the right foot. She took some of her special massage oil and gave his feet a thorough massage. Working the oil into his feet. She re-oiled her hands and worked up his legs. She kept going up his legs. She kept going up farther and farther until she almost reached his... Then she stopped.(He seemed disappointed. I wondered why.) She just smiled. She just got up and put all these items away. She came back into the room. "It is rather hot in here, isn't it?" she asked aloud to no one in particular. She moved further into the room until she stood right in front of him then she ... dropped her robe. His eyebrows disappeared again into his hairline. She had his full attention. "Spock, my love, do you trust me?" she asked as she circled the chair seductively. She moved in on her victim like wolf left guarding the sheep. She slowly sat down on his lap, hitting the appropriate spot.
"Of course, Christine, why do you ask?" Spock said in his innocence, not seeing the setup that was as clear as a neon sign.
"Then can I give you a shave?" she asked as if butter would not melt in her mouth.
"Give me a shave? I can shave myself. But if you really want to, I can see no harm that can come of it. I assume that this part of your pampering me," he said sealing his own doom.
Before she got off his lap she licked his ear, then she said, "Dear heart, I am going to give you a shave that you will never forget."
She came back into the room with another basin filled with very warm water and some fresh hand towels. Then she went into the closet and pulled out a black leather bag. He didn't remember her ever using that bag before. She placed all these items on the table next to the chair. She opened the bag and took out a mug, soap, a brush, a razor and a leather strop. She started to hum again. Not a good sign. Then she pulled out some fur lined handcuffs. She hummed even louder. She dipped the towel in the water and covered his face to soften his stubble. She stood behind his chair and began to massage his head. She got some more oil and began a deep scalp massage. She was humming away. It was so relaxing. After five minutes she removed the towels.
"Christine, might I inquire as to where you got this ancient form of shaving kit? I didn't know that they still made them," stated Spock.
"Well, Spock, all Chapel brides are given a shaving kit on her wedding day. You get a Badger hair shaving brush, 3 shaving soaps, shaving mug, leather strop and last but not least you get, THE EQUALIZER, the razor. We are all trained on how to give our husbands a shave. I will explain more once I get started .Then you will understand," she stated.
She picked up the leather strop and THE EQUALIZER and began to hone the razor. She used back and forth strokes to bring back the edge. The motion caused her breasts to jiggle. She was already sweating in the hot room and working the leather strop just added to her body gleaming with sweat. He was watching the droplets trickle between her breasts. She tested the edge of blade with her thumb. Yes, it was just right. She grinned evilly. "I' ve been waiting a long time for this moment." Then she snapped the handcuffs into place.
"My wife, are these handcuffs really necessary?" he asked trying not to sound the least bit nervous about the turn of events.
"Now, Sweetums, I know that you don't think that I have an ulterior motive in wanting to pamper my husband. I just want to make sure that stay absolutely still while I am shaving you that is all. The Equalizer is rather sharp. I would not would want to cut you accidentally," she said as she started humming again. She dipped the brush into the shaving mug that was filled with water and shaving soap. She worked it into a rich lather. She thoroughly massaged it into his stubble. Then she began to tell him as she sat on his lap the reason for the close shave.
"Spock, there is something that we need to talk about. You wanted to know why I have this shaving kit. While it dawned on one of my great grandmothers that when a wife gives her husband a shave somehow that a razor, THE EQUALIZER, always seems to get the point across. They don't seem to have any trouble out of their husbands for a long time. Hold up your chin please... Thank you... I got to rinse this blade off... It is amazing how a razor to the throat has that effect on a person... Anyway I digress... I think that we have a problem here. Turn your head please... I have a distinct impression that you think that we should act like a Vulcan couple.(giggle, giggle)... Excuse me for giggling. But Newsflash. Hold your ear please...Thank you... I ... AM ... NOT ... YOUR ... MOTHER!!!!! ... Hold your other ear please. Thank you. News Flash ... YOU ... ARE ... NOT ... YOUR ... FATHER!!!!!! ... You do understand where I am coming from, don't you, Spock?" she asked with the Equalizer still in her hand.
"Of course, Christine." Spock answered wisely swallowing slowly.
"I am going to be emotional! I know that your mother, God love her, has her emotional moments too. You have a lot of growing up to do. No, you just don't get to roll over and kiss and make up and think that everything is fine. It does not always work like that. In real life we all have to do things that we never thought we would do for another person. You know we do it, because we love them more than we love ourselves. And you, my love, are going to have to learn this the hard way."
"Christine, wait -- aren't you going to uncuff me?" Spock asked, not wanting to be left tied up like this. Not realizing that the handcuffs were the last of his worries.
"Sure, Spock," Christine said as she released the handcuffs. "Oh, by the way," she said as she released his hands on his lap. "Those hands of yours are going to be your only friends for a long while. HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY BIG ASS ON THE BRIDGE! YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD GET BACK TO ME? KNOCKING YOU OUT OF BED! GIVING YOU A BLACK EYE! YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND! I DIDN'T GIVE YOU BLUE HAIR! YOU DID THAT YOUR DAMN SELF! YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED BEFORE YOU PICKED UP THE WRONG JAR! TALKING ABOUT ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! WE WILL SEE HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE YOU GET TO RIDE THIS BIG ASS AGAIN! BLABBERMOUTH!"
Click went the bathroom door.
Poor Spock. He and the Jolly Green Giant were going to have to ride the range alone again.
* * *
As I bathe in my chocolate pool I wonder why people are such fools.
What's the harm when I buzz their room? Why do they try to kill me to seal my doom?
Up on their tippy toes they try to sneak But I take off like a lightening bolt I do streak
Around and around the room I flew. Where I would land no one knew.
Maybe on the dresser? Maybe on the his shoe? Chase me! Chase me! I laughed as I flew!
A rolled up paper. A swatter or two. Try, Try again. You might have some luck.
It would be the end of me. Boo Hoo. Boo Hoo.
I don't have to worry your aim is so bad. I don't even have to duck.
What is a fly to do? Why do we bother you?
You fan us away and we come back and play.
We like you, that's why. We just want a piece of pie.
If you learn how to share, then we would not care.
So the next time you hear a buzz it is only me,
Give me a piece of pie and I will leave you be.