Disclaimer:  Star Trek is the property of Paramount Viacom.  This story is copyright © 2006 T'Kuht.  Rated PG.


Bosom Buddies



The eggs were bland, worse than that they were completely tasteless.  He needed a little salt.  He looked around.  There was a shaker on the next table, "Jim hand me that salt will ya?"

Captain Kirk leaned back in the chair to reach the shaker.  It was empty, "Nothing in it."

Rats.  There was only one other one in the room and it was on the table next to the door, but the tray sat in front of his head nurse.  McCoy contrived, "Oh Spock, do an old man a favor and go get that salt from Christine."

Without question Spock got up and went over to address Uhura and Chapel, "Good morning ladies, may I have your salt shaker?"

Uhura smiled as Chapel drank her tea and started to give it to him, "Sure." Christine grabbed at the shaker, "If it's for the 'old man' don't bother."

Spock was stuck.  Christine leaned back away from him to say loudly, "His blood pressure's too high for additional salt."

McCoy was incensed, "Thunderation woman who made you my keeper?"

"You did!" she yelled back.

Spock, Uhura, and Kirk were motionless while the show went on.  McCoy grouched, "But these eggs are awful and what is this?  Lard on my toast?"

"Unsalted butter," she replied smartly, "And if your eggs are bland put pepper on them."

"Pepper makes me sneeze!" he shot.

"Then don't breathe," she lobbed back.  All heads turned back to McCoy for his next remark but he conceded the match and began pouring pepper on his breakfast.  Spock looked at Chapel, astonishment clearly written on his face.  He handed the shaker back, "Brilliantly played."

"Thank you," she grinned.

Uhura was still shocked, "Christine, you yelled at your superior officer."

"He'll not complain or I'll report him for fondling on duty," she stated casually.

Spock was serious, "Nurse is there something you wish to report?"

"Oh no, just joking, really," she stammered mentally kicking herself for her smart remark in front of Spock, "Please, just forget it.  In fact, I'm done so we can go … now."

The two women scurried out under the watchful gaze of the first officer.

"She really needs to be a mother," Kirk commented with a chuckle.

"Mother nothing, she'd drive her kids crazy.  You want a bunch of neurotic children on your conscience?" McCoy insisted.

Spock returned to his seat, "Dr. McCoy have you fondled Miss Chapel while on duty?"

The question made the doctor drool coffee down his shirt, "Hell no!"

"Spock, where'd you come up with that?" Kirk asked.

"Miss Chapel intimated as such.  She said you would not complain about her chastising you in public because she would report you for 'fondling' her on duty.  She did add that she was joking however."

"Damn straight she is.  I'd never..." he spluttered.

Kirk posed, "Never?"

"Well, not on duty anyway and even then…" The doctor was becoming even more flustered, "I had to grab something, didn't I, and they stick out you know and well.  I latched on.  It's really your fault, Jim; you ought to put seat belts in below decks."

Kirk stared at the physician, "Spock, can you translate that?"

The Vulcan considered, "I believe Dr. McCoy refers to an incident when the ship's unexpected motion forced him to grab Miss Chapel's bre ... bosom."

McCoy nodded, "What he said.  She doesn't mind it though, laughs it off."

"It's happened more than once?" Kirk asked incredulously.

"You flip the ship at least once a month.  There's bound to be...  Come on, Spock, save me with your probability," McCoy begged.

The Vulcan shook his head, "I could not hazard a guess on such flimsy data.  However, I have had to 'catch' Miss Uhura on more than one such occasion."

"Yeah come to think of it I've had to latch on a time or two myself," Kirk recalled with a fond smile.  He raised his coffee mug, "Gentlemen, to the ladies of the Enterprise, and the absence of seat belts."