Disclaimer: Star Trek is the property of Paramount and Viacom. This story is the property and is copyright © 2007 by SterJulie. Rated PG.


Green Weenies--A Daycare Story
Ster J

It was a warm summer day and the Federation-funded daycare was having a picnic. The girls were playing with Baby Pavel on a blanket under a shady tree, but the rest of the boys, including the new kid, Kevie Riley, were more interested in the barbecue Mr. R was setting up. Lenny rubbed his tummy and licked his lips. "There's nuthin' like a fire-roasted weenie outdoors!" he declared.

"What's a weenie?" Spockie asked.

Five little heads snapped toward Spock.

"You never had a weenie?" Jimmy asked.

"No," Spock asked. "What is it? What's it look like?"

"A weenie's a kinda sausage…" Monty began before Lenny silenced him with an elbow and a wicked look.

"A weenie looks like what's in your pants, Spockie," Lenny said with a remarkably straight face.

"What's in my pants?" Spock echoed in confusion.

"Yeah," Lenny continued. "It's long and straight and pink. It's the part that girls don't have. In fact, when a mommy and a daddy want a little girl, they cut off her weenie and sell it to the store."

Hikaru and his new friend Kevie Riley were horrified. "No!" they screamed, running off, clutching the front of their shorts.

"Ach, see wha' ye did now!" Monty muttered disgustedly as he ran off after little Hikaru and Kevie.

Jimmy gave Lenny a shove. "You're mean, Lenny!" Jimmy turned back to his friend. "That's not true, Spockie," he said. "A weenie is a kind of sausage, like Monty said. I saw them made at a factory. They grind up all the leftover meat and add some stuff and mix it up. Then they shaped it into lots and lots of weenies.

"Oh," Spock said, holding his stomach. "Then it is a meat product."

"Uh-huh," Jimmy confirmed. "It's made up of pig meat and cow meat. They don't put any little girl parts into the weenie. That would be ucky."

"Ucky, indeed," Spock agreed.

Jimmy led the group closer to the barbeque area. "You know, Spockie," he continued, "they can make weenies out of just about anything. Why don't you ask Mr. R if he has a weenie you can eat?"

Spock thought about it for a while. Perhaps Mr. R would have a suitable substitute for him after all."

The boys drew closer to the cooking area. After observing the daycare leader for a while, Spock piped up and asked his question.

"Mr. R, do you have a green weenie?"

The boys burst into gales of laughter. Spock didn't know what he had done wrong, but when he saw Mr. R's face change to a deeper shade of pink, he knew he had dishonored his elder. Not knowing what else to do, Spock ran.

By the time Mr. R recovered enough to remember the special command word to stop Spock in his tracks, the boy was halfway back to the transport.

"Kroykah!" the adult yelled.

Just as he was trained, Spock stopped running, chest heaving and mind roiling. What had he done?

Mr. R parked all the boys under the tree with the girls. Miss Dorothy had to keep one eye on some sullen boys, plus the girls and the baby, and another eye on the fire as Mr. R went out to collect Spock.

"Spock?" the adult called. "It's alright. The boys just thought you had made a joke, a naughty joke."

Spock was aghast. "I would never do that!" he cried. "I would never disrespect an elder!"

"They were just being silly," Mr. R continued. "I know you would never disrespect me. Now, who started all this nonsense?"

Spock ran a hand across his eyes. He wasn't crying yet, but he knew the tears were close to the surface.

"I asked the boys what a weenie is, and Lenny said they were girl pedises!"

Mr. R had to bite back a smile. That Lenny may be the son and the grandson of doctors, but he was too young to know so much about anatomy already!

"Now, Spock," Mr. R continued with a calming voice, "you know that girls don't have penises, and you know that I would never feed you a meat product. I brought vegan wieners."

"I've been to Vega," Spock announced.

Mr. R smiled again. "No, these were made locally, but they are called vegan because they have no meat products. In a way, you were correct in asking me if I had green wieners. They are made of vegetable proteins, so in a way, they are green. We can all eat the same thing."

Spock snuffled back the tears he refused to let show. "That's good."

Mr. R placed his hand on Spock's shoulder and led him back to the group. He crooked a finger sternly at Lenny.

Lenny stomped his way grumpily to where the tall director stood.

"I'm gonna get another whippin'!" he moaned.

"You would get in less trouble, Lenny, if you first thought about what you were going to say," Mr. R admonished. "I noticed that you scared Hikaru and Kevin with your stories, and you made Spock think he had shown disrespect to an elder. Do you know how bad that is to a Vulcan child?"

Lenny looked up with a watery, fearful gaze. "Are you gonna put me in time out?"

Mr. R thought a while before answering, letting Lenny stew. "No," he said after a while. "First, you will apologize to Spock and then to Hikaru and Kevin. Then you will go with Miss Dorothy and look up on the computer how wieners are made and report back to the class. You will give up some of your recess to do this. Am I understood?"

Lenny bowed his head. "Yessir," he mumbled.

"Good." Mr. R said, taking Lenny's hand and leading him back to the group. "Now, go and talk to the boys like I told you while I cook our lunch."

As Mr. R watch Lenny scamper off to the group, his own inner child poked his head out to whisper playfully, "Yes! Then we can all have green weenies!"