DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of SterJulie and is copyright (c) 2005 by SterJulie. Rated PG.
After the Credits - Is There in Truth No Beauty?
Now my hands are trembling. Earlier, it was just my insides quaking (Say it!) in abject horror. Now, as I kneel before the fire-pot, as I search for my center, the fear overtakes me and I tremble.
I have tasted insanity!
I saw the Medusan ambassador with my own eyes and I went mad. Doctor Miranda Jones touched my mind and brought me back from that awful place to which I had retreated, but she did not expunge my memories. She had said in the meld that I would need an expert Healer.
We are far from Vulcan, and I do not want to trouble the captain and crew, not again. I wish… I wish Sybok were here.
It seems that I miss my brother whenever I am at my lowest point. I remember his strong arms around me, encouraging me as a child. I took my deepest fears, my greatest hurts to him, and he always saw me through them.
Has that crippled me? Did Sybok become my crutch? Is that why my katra cries out to him?
Wait. Where is that special incense he gave me? He had warned me to use it sparingly because it was so strong, so even after all these years, I still have some left. Ah, here it is.
This incense burns brighter than the other, and the smoke is such a strange shade of blue. I close my eyes and take the three deep breaths to calm myself.
"Why are you trembling?"
My eyes snap open. Sybok sits before me!
"Why are you trembling?"
I poured out my heart to Sybok, tell him of the day's events, of my brush with insanity, with my difficulty now.
"Why are you letting a past event trouble you so? It's over. Release it!"
I tell him that I have tried.
I tell Sybok that I have tried harder.
"Try harder still."
I sigh in frustration. Sybok is not helping me. I ask him why he has come, since he is being of no use to me.
"You summoned me."
His answer surprises me. I had sought to calm myself…
Ah! I begin to see. No wonder this incense is called "Truer Vision." I have to deal with my emotions without longing for the easier way. Sybok is not here, although I know our katras still sing to one another, as brothers' katras are wont to do. I dig deeper into myself, my center, my core, to the place where truth lies. I touch the All and know peace.
My brush with insanity, though undeniably upsetting, is in the past. Enduring it, allowing myself the intimacy of melding with a stranger despite my madness, has strengthened me. I have come through this trial stronger.
I feel a calm, a euphoria, wash over me and in my meditations I seem to float. What is in this incense? I am certain that, if I were to analyze it, I would find it to be an illegal substance.
Leave it to Sybok!