Terran Female

J. M. Lane

I'm a Terran female

I was born in an Ohio town

on a Thursday morn

And Ohio happens to occupy a place

In the Midwestern third of North America

Otherwise known as the United States

That's a fact, honey

So know it well

Because I'm Christine Chapel, a Terran female

That is TER-RAN FE-MALE, sister

That's me!

I've seen the way you're watching my hot Vulcan male

For the last several weeks you've been on his tail

And greatly upsetting this Terran female

If you even think of trying to sink your claws into him

Let me warn you that if you take any action

I'll be more than happy to put you in Sickbay for a week--

And in traction!

I've waited too long for him to let such as you ever abscond

For I am not only wearing his ring

But we have a mental bond

So that makes the handsome Vulcan on this ship

The exclusive property of this Terran female

And since we both outrank you,

I better not hear any lip!

So stay away from my Vulcan, sister dear

If you don't, I'll shoot you out a photon tube and

Make sure it travels a full light-year!

Through meteors, comets and ion storms

This Terran female is on her toes

Keeping a loving but sharp eye on her Vulcan wherever he goes

Ready to fight anyone who tries to muscle in on her territory

In that event, she can guarantee that things will soon get gory

I understand that you're attracted to this gorgeous green-blooded hunk

But if you even try to lay a finger on him

I'll make sure you never again leave your bunk

You can't fool me where he's concerned

So don't try

Or else it will be the most painful lesson you've ever learned

I'll leave your face looking as though

You had the galaxy's most severe case of Symbalene blood burn

The only thing saving you right now is the fact

That Spock doesn't want me to fight, especially not for love

And I have assured him that I don't -

But if you get in my way, that doesn't mean I won't!

So know this, lady, for now and all time…

If I ever again catch you 'round Spock

I'll space you out the nearest airlock

Because he belongs to me - and I to him

You better believe it too, my girl

If you want to stay in this world

I suggest you go chase someone else's tail

So warns this feisty Terran female