DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Jill Jackson and is copyright (c) 2001 by Jill Jackson. Rated PG13.
You've Got Mail
Jill Jackson
From: Sick Bay
Stardate: 5946.2
To: First Officer
Subject: Annual Physical
Our records show that the date for your annual physical/immunizations has passed. I am certain that your failure to report to Sick Bay on the due date was an unintentional oversight. Nevertheless, Starfleet considers the annual physical to be a top priority. Please schedule a time within the next 72 hours.
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From: First Officer/Science Officer
Stardate: 5947.3
To: Sick Bay
Subject: Annual Physical
I am quite aware, "Sick Bay," that my annual physical was due exactly 1week, 3 days, and 7 hours ago. However, I have been preoccupied with other Starfleet concerns: namely, uncovering the Klingon spy that managed to infiltrate our crew; advising the Captain regarding his options in battling a hostile alien spacecraft; and determining the source of the deadly Beta rays that almost destroyed Starbase 117. Please send my apologies to Starfleet Command. I will schedule an appointment during my off-shift next week.
Addendum: Please do not send duplicate copies of these memos to the Science Officer. The Science Officer is already aware of the need to schedule an appointment. This awareness may be due to the fact that the Science Officer and the First Officer are one and the same person. Please update your records accordingly.
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To: First Officer/Science Officer
Stardate: 5948.4
From: Sick Bay
Subject: Annual Physical
The reasons for your missed appointment have been duly recorded, Commander Spock. :-) However, I must point out that next week is unacceptable. Perhaps you can come into Sick Bay today at 1800? I will be working a double shift, and I am sure I can perform a cursory check-up at that time. If there are any problems (which I certainly don't foresee), then Dr. McCoy can more thoroughly examine you at a later date.
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From: Commander Spock
Stardate: 5950.1
To: "Sick Bay"
Subject: The all-important, top priority, Annual Physical
Pardon me, but I am a bit puzzled as to how a non-living entity known as "Sick Bay" can examine me, even in a cursory fashion. I also didn't know a "Sick Bay" could smile (I assume the sudden use of inappropriate punctuation was supposed to represent a smiling face). Since Dr. McCoy's name was referred to in the third person, I assume I am not communicating with him. May I be so bold as to ask the sender of these memos to identify her or himself? You, of course, can await my arrival at 1800 today. However, I will not be there. I have an important staff meeting with the Captain at that time. As I mentioned before, I will schedule my appointment later next week.
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From: Nurse Chapel
Stardate: 5951.3
To: Commander Spock
Subject: The all-important, top priority Annual Physical
In answer to your question, Mr. Spock, the writer of the "Sick Bay" memo is I, myself, Nurse Chapel. And I would hope that you would know me well enough by now to realize that I take my position aboard this ship very seriously. And I certainly have more important things to do than chase down every crew member who is 'too busy' for a 10 minute physical and annual immunization. Since today at 1800 is not acceptable for you, I will schedule you for 1800 tomorrow. Surely you won't have two staff meetings in a row?
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From: Mr. Spock
Stardate: 5951.5
To: Nurse Chapel
Subject: The all-important, top priority, never ending Annual Physical
Nurse Chapel, I admire your perseverance. You are an asset to Starfleet. However, I must point out to you again that I will not be available for your efficient and cursory exam until next week. If I had been able to schedule an appointment for tomorrow, rest assured I would have done so.
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From: Nurse Chapel
Stardate: 5951. 8
To: Mr. Spock
Subject: The all-important, top priority, never ending Annual Physical
I must point out to YOU, Mr. Spock, that the Annual Physical would cease to be 'never ending' once you've actually HAD your Annual Physical. However, I can tell that you're merely being a stubborn male and are trying to show me 'who's boss.' Therefore, I will make an exception in your case, ignore all of Starfleet's personnel rules, and let you make your appointment whenever you damned well feel like it.
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From: Nurse Chapel
Stardate: 5951.9
To. Mr. Spock
Subject: Last Post
Please ignore my last post! I'm having a bad start to my day. I'm a bit out-of-sorts. Just being 'human,' I guess. Please forgive me!
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From: Mr. Spock
Stardate: 5952.4
To: Nurse Chapel
Subject: Last Post
I accept your apology, Nurse Chapel. And I am concerned that you are not feeling well. If I am the source of your distress, I am sorry. Perhaps you shouldn't be working a double shift today. Would you like me to speak to Dr. McCoy on your behalf?
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From: Nurse Chapel
Stardate: 5953.1
To: Mr. Spock
Subject: Last Post
Oh dear, no, there is no reason to talk to the Doctor! He's twice as overworked as I am. If anyone needs to take some time off, it's Dr. McCoy. Please don't concern yourself with me. I'm just venting.
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From: Mr. Spock
Stardate: 5953.5
To: Nurse Chapel
Subject: Last Post
Nurse Chapel, you are almost as fascinating, emotional, and incomprehensible as my mother. You have scolded me, insulted me, begged for my forgiveness, expressed feelings of being "out-of-sorts," and then told me not to concern myself. I think Dr. McCoy has an apt phrase, that I am going to borrow here: "What the devil are you going on about?"
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From: Nurse Chapel
Stardate: 5953.8
To: Commander Spock
Subject: The Devil Made Me Do It
Your mother, huh? I bet I'd remind you of your sister, too, if you had one.
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From: Mr. Spock
Stardate: 5954.6
To: Nurse Chapel
Subject: The Devil Made Me Do It
I have just returned to my quarters from the staff meeting, and have been studying your last post for the past 27.3 minutes. I'm not sure what I've done, but I can tell you are displeased with me. My first clue was in the address: Commander Spock, instead of the more informal Mr. Spock. I am also getting the impression that mentioning your resemblance to either my mother or a non-existent sister is perhaps insulting to you? Rest assured, I hold my mother in the highest regards. To compare your emotionalism to my mother is not meant as an insult, Christine.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5954.7
To: Spock
Subject: No Worries
Spock, please don't worry about my ridiculous memos. :-) Thank you for clearing that up about your mother. :-) I'm just being silly. It's late, and I'm tired. Human males sometimes say to Human females, "I think of you like a sister." Meaning, 'No chance in Hell would I ever want to mate with you. But you're good for a laugh, or a shoulder to cry on.' Which is kind of insulting. But I am perfectly aware that no insult was meant on your part. Good night, Spock. Get some sleep.
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5954.9
To: Christine
Subject: No Worries
Rest assured, Christine, I was certainly not implying that you were unsuitable for mating, simply because you remind me of my mother.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5955.0
To: Spock
Subject: No Worries
Good Night, Spock!
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5955.1
To: Christine
Subject: No Worries
I will assume that your post was a signal for me to be silent now. Have a good night, Christine.
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5956.1
To: Christine
Subject: Good Morning
I hope I am not being presumptuous in wishing you a Good Morning at the start of the day shift. Now that we have both rested, I assume the silence can be broken. However, if this post is insulting to you in any way, I have no doubt you will inform me of that fact.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5956.2
To: Spock
Subject: Good Morning
Good Morning to you, Spock! No, I am not the least insulted. But then again, the day is young. :-)
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5956.3
To: Christine
Subject: Good Morning
Are you implying, Christine, that there is a chance I might insult you later? >-}
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5956.4
To: Spock
Subject: Good Morning
Spock! If I didn't know better, I would think you were teasing me!
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5956.5
To: Christine
Subject: Good Morning
According to my Universal Translator, 'tease' means to worry or plague with persistent requests, insinuations, etc.; chaff with good-humored jests. Rest assured, I have no desire to worry, plague or chaff you. Sounds most unpleasant.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5956.6
To: Spock
Subject: No Worries
Well, according to MY Universal Translator, chaff means gentle banter. And chafe means abrade or roughen by friction. Not unpleasant at all, if done with the right spirit.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5957.3
To: Spock
Subject: Good Day
I have a few minutes alone at my work station, and thought I would post you a line. Did you receive my last post? Probably not, as I'm sure you had to report for duty. I saw you briefly at lunchtime in the Officer's Mess.....I tried to catch your eye, but you were obviously preoccupied. Anyway, I'm making up the schedule for next week. When are you available for the 'all-important, top priority, never ending physical?'
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5957.7
To: Christine
Subject: Good Day
If I appeared preoccupied at lunchtime, it was probably due to the fact that I was attempting to understand your last post this morning. You are not an easy creature to understand, Christine. If I recall correctly, you had mentioned an opening for today at 1800. Perhaps you should schedule me for that time.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5957.9
To: Spock
Subject: Good Day
Report to Sick Bay at 1800. Your appointment is with 'Christine, The Mysterious Nurse.'
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5958.0
To: Mysterious Nurse
Subject: Good Day
I have duly noted the time for my 10 minute physical. What exactly happens in this cursory examination? Will there be chafing?
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From: Mysterious Nurse
Stardate: 5958.1
To: Funny Vulcan
Subject: Chafing
You know, after carefully reviewing your medical chart, I think this exam is going to take longer than 10 minutes. Any objections?
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From: Completely Serious Vulcan
Stardate: 5958.8
To: Transparent Nurse
Subject: Chafing
I have given this matter some consideration. I have come to the conclusion that a more extensive physical is warranted. So extensive, in fact, that the environment of Sick Bay is inadequate for my needs. I believe a visit to my quarters by a trained nurse is the only suitable alternative.
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From: "Am I That Transparent" Nurse
Stardate: 5958.9
To: Completely Serious Vulcan
Subject: Chafing
Well, I normally don't make house calls. Perhaps this is a matter for Dr. McCoy?
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From: Completely Serious Vulcan
Stardate: 5959.0
To: "Am I That Transparent" Nurse
Subject: Chafing
........>-( .........
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From: Transparent Nurse
Stardate: 5959.1
To: Serious Vulcan
Subject: Chafing
Duly noted. I will arrive at your quarters promptly at 1800. Be prepared.
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5960.2
To: Spock
Subject: Good Night
I am sitting here alone in my quarters, preparing for bed, and felt compelled to drop you a line. I know you are probably asleep by now. Just the thought of you lying there in bed, your dark hair against the pillow, your handsome profile ... makes me feel all 'quivery' inside. I can see your half-opened mouth, and recall the warm taste of your lips. The scent of your body, the delicious and sensual curve of your ears, the rough spot at the nape of your neck, the low moan you uttered when I ran my hands down your back ... and the gasp of surprise when I began stroking you. Your eyes were closed, your head fell back, and for a moment, Spock, I KNOW you were smiling. And then, your face flushed with the tint of your green blood, you pinned me down on the bed and placed your mouth eagerly on my body, while I pulled your head closer, wanting you to take as much of me as possible into your receptive mouth. And your hands, oh Spock, your magical hands with the impossibly long fingers, probing and reaching deep within me, while your tongue explored ever deeper into the contours of my mouth. And my hands cupping you, my fingers exploring you ... and then, when you positioned yourself above my body, and entered me completely, I knew that I was beyond controlling myself. I recall being overcome with the desire of you, overcome with wanting more and more of you ... until there was nothing more of you to give. Oh, Spock, I could have lain beside you forever, listening to you breathe, feeling the sheen of sweat on your body, tasting the very essence of you. I'm not sure how I managed the long walk to my quarters. If anyone had seen me in the corridor, they would have known without asking that I had left the bed of a lover. I will dream of you tonight, Spock.
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5960.5
To: Christine
Subject: Good Night
Am I to assume, by your glowing report, Christine, that I passed the physical?
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From: Christine
Stardate: 5960.6
To: Spock
Subject: Good Night
Good Night, Spock! :-)
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From: Spock
Stardate: 5960.7
To: Christine
Subject: Good Night
Ahh, my cue to be silent. Good Night to you, Christine. >-)
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