DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The poem is the creation and property of Ruby Houldson and is copyright (c) 2003 by Ruby Houldson.
A Final Farewell
Black. Cold. Quiet.
Pain. Tears. Despair.
All this in one room.
I look upon that which now houses a body that once teemed with
life. Now there is only stillness.
I look around and through tear filled eyes I see the blurred
images of those you leave behind.
My mind wanders back in time to the moment just before your death
and it seemed that time dragged on into infinity.
Even now your face haunts me. My pain is too real. Your presence
still lingers here in this place. I feel you all around me.
You're embodied in the very walls that surround me…in the very
object you gave your life to save.
I've tried to tell myself that you're really gone, but still…
I fight to suppress my pain. Pain can be controlled, you once
said. But you've never faced this kind of pain.
I think back to the trials of your life as the bagpipes play its
You never realized this, but I fought alongside you many times.
My silent voice lent itself to your own. I was there when you
cried and even when you smiled…yes, smiled. Without your even
knowing, I held your hand through the rough times and I cried for
you when you could not. I cried as you fought through the human
trials that was your birthright. I was with you, beside you all
But in this, your last battle, words of self-preservation you
ignored and you gave your life for the ship. You fell and never
Listen to the mournful whine of the bagpipes. NO! Block it from
your mind, my heart whispers in warning.
Close your eyes. NO! If I don't close my eyes then I won't have
to relive the nightmare again. I won't be forced to watch the
scene that now so clearly sears across my mind.
Can I will the pain away? I could if I had the will…but that too
is buried in the sea of grief as I mourn your passing.
Oh, god. Disease flows through my veins.
Pain. Anguish. Despair. Emptiness.
I can't go on like this. A void has taken over the place where
you once stood. It threatens to take away what is left of you. I
can't allow that!
I force my eyes to look upon the black case that surrounds your
body. You are safe. Nothing can harm you now. Your fears are
behind you. There is no need to worry that you may lose control
over your emotions. Gone is the fear that you might slip and be
shamed for it.
My mind doesn't understand what my heart whispers to it. He is
gone, I hear. But how can that be? You were always the strong
one. You always came through your trials, maybe not always in top
shape, but alive nonetheless. What has happened? Why is this
time any different?
Dreaming. That's it. I must be dreaming. Someone, please wake
me from this accursed nightmare. If I awake and then dream again,
can I close my eyes, ride the stars, and discover you are among
them? In all my other dreams you were there. You've always been
Darkness. Reliving your death in my mind hurts even more now
because it plays over and over so agonizingly slow. My heart
trembles…it bleeds. The cruel hand of winter has touched you and
taken your life away.
I feel loneliness. Hopelessness. If you could see me now you
would look upon the face of despair and emptiness.
Someone, please, stop that music for it cuts through my heart like
a freezing gust of winter air across exposed, delicate skin.
I feel something wet and warm slide down my face but I'm numb and
cannot move to brush it away.
Pain, hot and vivid, sears across my mind. It was logical, you
said. What was? I now ask.
It was logical for you to endear us to you, captivate us, and then
take that all away?
It was logical for you to claw for solid ground as you fought
through searing, killing pain?
It was logical for them to gently carry your body from the
wreckage in reverent silence?
Where is the logic in that?
I saw you slide to the floor as your heart ceased to function, as
each breath you took burned through your body.
Voices flooded my heart, screaming to be freed, to be heard. Tell
him! they yelled. But it's too late! I replied. Tell him! Tell
him that he has been your pillar of strength. That he led you
through dark times, if only in spirit. Tell him you'll never let
him go! Tell him now, for you'll never get another chance!
Dear heaven. I never told you then, but I tell you now. My gift
to you, brave soul, are these, my immortalized words. For in them
are memories and feelings that time and death cannot erase.
Oh, god. Memories seep from my mind and heart. They pour forth
from my very veins. Will I ever find peace for my troubled and
broken soul? You will be with me for a lifetime of lifetimes.
Love was when I found you, when I saw your face. The moment I
looked into your eyes you took my breath away and I knew there was
something about you that resided in no other. I would have
willingly taken your place…died for you. But it was not to be.
What is that message the bagpipe plays? It speaks of making it
through many dangers and toils. Oh, you did that many times over
the years…until now.
Now you're gone. The pain deadens my senses. Time stole you away
but you still reside in my thoughts, in my heart. You have all of
You're gone. Your resonating light has been put out. Life here
is cold and bitter without you. I'm sinking into darkness. All I
ever asked of you was for you to allow your strength of will and
your kindness to shine across all you came in contact with, for it
to continue for all time. But now you're gone.
Love. It is indeed a powerful force. How can I ever open my
heart again? How can I know it won't be shattered by the power of
love? Even though you aren't here before me, I still feel you. I
believe in you. I always have.
If I close my eyes, block out that music that now speaks of being
lost and now found, I know you would be standing before me. But I
can't do that. To close my eyes would mean I'd block out the last
glimpse I'll ever have of you, of this moment.
I hear the music again. Its slow, melancholy rhythm pierces my
heart once more. It closes in and suffocates me. It crescendos
and speaks of death and life. Life? What life? Yours has been
stolen from you.
Run! Can I run away from this pain? I know that the faster my
feet would carry me from here the closer they would bring me to
A faint echo in the distance fills the room. Don't grieve. My
breath catches in my throat. It is your voice. My heart
quickens. Don't grieve? How do I instruct my heart to follow
that advice? How is that done? Please, tell me. I beg of you.
Someone steals away the blue flag with the white government symbol
emblazoned in its center. You swore allegiance to that entity,
and now you have lost you life in the line of duty and their very
flag has covered you.
You begin to drift away from me. A better resting place, you
hinted to one man. Where is that place? For I wish to go there
The volume of the music increases and I feel it sweep beneath my
feet. It fills the air and all around me tears flow like a gentle
river. I hear broken sobs and my throat constricts as I try to
swallow my own that threatens to escape.
As your body slides away, ghostly images of your face appear
I see your eyebrow rise in fascination.
I see your expression of surprise and intrigue.
Your brows furrow as in thought.
I see your face in stern concentration as you work on a complex
I see a tear slip down your cheek as you mourn for V'Ger.
I see your hands as they gently assist your friends to their feet
after an encounter with troublesome persons.
I see your hands as they fight for the right to live and for
I see you with the good doctor. Poor doctor. How will he survive
You found a place in all our hearts. You were never without a
place to call home. You were never without a friend, never
alone. But now. Now… Who will hold your hand now? Who will
be there to quietly guide your steps as you enter the unknown and
unexplored regions of death?
Where does this leave me? Where do I go from here? Oh, my dear.
If I knew this would happen, I would have been in that chamber
first. For it would have been better for me to go than for you.
My absence wouldn't have left as vast a void in as many lives as
yours does now. You would still be safe, still be alive.
Someone calls for attention.
My brain hears the command but my body cannot respond for it is
caught up in my pain and in the slow death I now experience.
I hear your haunting words from times past.
Live Long and Prosper.
I know now what that is flowing quick and hot down my face. It is
the river of tears that I shed for you. When will it end? Until
the river has run dry. Until I am completely empty and all that
is left…is you.
I see a glimmer of light among the black. It is the light of a
new sun reflected off your encasement. You fly through space like
a shooting star, a falling star. Dare I wish upon it?
I squeeze my eyes shut. I wish with all my heart and soul for one
last glimpse of your face, vibrant and overflowing with life. I
release my pent up sob. I have to. For there before my mind's
eyes you stand with your hands raised in the Vulcan salute. This
is your gesture of…
A final farewell.