DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Gueniver and is copyright (c) 2001 by Gueniver. This story is Rated PG-13.

 

Getting to Know You: Spock

Gueniver


James T. Kirk got an email with all sorts of questions that were intended to help people learn about one another. The email instructed each of them to forward it to a friend, and one of the people who received it was Mr. Spock. We have managed to obtain a copy of the First Officer's answers. Here it is:

NAME: Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skone (Please do not giggle, Christine, it was my Grandfather's name. It is undignified of the wife of the last descendent to Surak to giggle at the names in her husband's lineage.)

SEX: Male

HOME: I was born in ShiKahr, but my home is on the Enterprise. (<sound of scuffle> Ow!) and I also greatly appreciate my home in San Francisco.

HEIGHT: 5' 11"

EYES: Brown

HAIR: Black

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT SHOW? I do not view such video presentations. (No, I will not answer that, Christine, that is your vid. I did not say that I did not appreciate it. No, I will not say it, it is undignified. Ow!) <murmurs> vulcan love slave.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Nothing, I do not have one.

FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Starfleet Science Weekly, Journal of Vulcan Science Academy.

FAVORITE SMELL: It would be illogical to prefer the scent of one thing over another. Odors are what they are and cannot be changed. (Really, Christine. Certainly bathing will eliminate an odor but it does not strictly change one. Do you wish for me to continue this? Or shall we discuss semantics?)

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Surely you know this. It was the moment I was certain that I was going to die and leave you.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: My wife. (<kiss> Thank you. Yes, that is exactly what I said. I believe you have the best physical sensory input - Ow! Was that necessary?)

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: In my off duty hours I meditate, continue my ongoing research on Human mating rituals and read science journals.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: I appreciate the works of 20th century Terran opera performer Teresa Brewer, as well as the Vulcan opera T'Khut as performed by Tamik of Vulcan. (Yes, I believe that some of his recordings were used in Vulcan Love Slave, but that does not mean they are not superior recordings.)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING? It is 0517, there will be inadequate time to wake my wife for early morning scientific research.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? Vulcans do not get motion sickness.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING? I have no opinion to offer. I am told that they are quite exciting, however, I have no experience with amusement parks at this time. I do not believe it would be logical or prudent to offer such a recreation if it were deadly, however.

PEN OR PENCIL? Both are an inefficient means of record taking.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I always answer the comm immediately. (Ow! Christine, please cease striking me.) Unless I'm otherwise occupied.

FAVORITE FOODS: I do not prefer one form of nourishment over another. I enjoy Antarian spring water. (That was not 'racy', it is a fact. I did not say why or how I enjoyed it. It is enough that I enjoy it. It answers the question.)

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? I have adequate communication with my parents.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? No. (That was not a conviction, that was a war crimes charge made by an enemy of the Federation that I never stood trial for.)

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA - I do not fully appreciate either.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS? As a vegetarian I do not eat Bacon, nor do I appreciate hard bread cubes. ('Bacon Bits' are not truly a meat product? I do not understand. What is the purpose of altering the flavor and texture of vegetable matter to resemble animal flesh? Ah, I see.) I do not eat 'Bacon Bits' as there is no significant nutritional value to such foods and I do not eat vegetables altered to resemble the flavor of animal flesh.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? I derive a measure of satisfaction at my capabilities at piloting shuttlecraft.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? I do not.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I would prefer a Sehlat.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I would not be any animal, it is illogical to wish to change the nature of one's fundamental existence. (Strictly speaking, my wife, you are an animal as well.)

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY - I have had most pleasant experiences in thunderstorms in recent years, I do not find them frightening.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Surak of Vulcan.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I do not drink alcoholic beverages. (Christine, I have only had Radal a few times. Very well.) I prefer Radal or Guinness Stout. If we include Radal, then it would be logical to include the Stout, would it not?

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? My wife has told me I am a Libra, but I do not hold any credence to astrology.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? It would be a waste of nutrients to do otherwise.

GUYS-IF A GIRL ASKED FOR THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK, WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO HER? In an emergency I would offer any assistance I could offer irregardless of gender. I would naturally give my wife any clothing that she would wish (Christine, please stop that <fabric rustling>. There you have it. Are you satisfied? If you wish for me to finish this questionnaire, I would suggest you stop that activity.)

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I am satisfied with my current occupation.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? It would be illogical to change the nature of my appearance.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE? I believe I have already answered this question.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Vulcans do not experience such passionate emoti-(Christine, I must insist that you stop that. I had not completed my response. Do not assume you know what I am going to say.) As I was about to say, Vulcans do not experience such emotions as love, however I have found that my wife is quite correct. Life is too short to not experience it to the fullest. As such, I am, indeed, 'in love'.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I do not fantasize of such things. (You are quite aware of what I do fantasize about, Christine. I do not believe we need to discuss that.)

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? There is a display of Vulcan weapons. A mirror. A comm panel. (Yes, I mentioned them. I said a display of Vulcan weapons, I did not see the necessity of categorizing them. My ears are not coloring, Christine, it is the lighting in our cabin. If it were fully illuminated, you would see - no, I do not require a medical scan to settle the dispute, however, if you wish to continue this discussion, I can end this questionnaire now.)

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? There is no glass. (Yes, that is an answer. It is a direct quotation from a Terran philosopher Keanu Reeves in response to this very question.)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? I do not know who or what a snapple is.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? I favor my right hand.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? A tactile interface is inefficient, however if the need arose I would only utilize the correct keys.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I have never fantasized about being a garden implement of any sort.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? The space under my bed is occupied by some lost articles of clothing of disputable origin. (That is not my sock. It is clearly yours.)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 1 (Why does this surprise you? It is representational of our union.)

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? I have never owned such a conveyance.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? I do not 'dream' of cars. I only fantasize of my wife. (You are welcome.)

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Intergalactic three dimensional chess Masters Championships.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: He taught me of friendship.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: I believe Doctor McCoy would be most unlikely to return this if I were to send it to him. It would be too uncharacteristic of me to do such a thing and it would be difficult for him to respond. (No, Christine, I am not going to send it. I was merely answering the question. Christine? Christine, what are you doing? Stop immediately!)