DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Lady Gueniver and is copyright (c) 2001 by Lady Gueniver. Paramount Corp, NBC Inc., Disney Inc. and all the other Borg entities own the characters. I just like to take them out of the Barbie (tm); Funhouse once in a while and let them take a ride in the Mystery Van (tm) with GI Joe (tm) and the rest of the gang.

Conversations From The G Room

Lady Gueniver

In the theater there is a waiting room for actors, before they go on stage. It is the green room.

This is the story of the waiting room outside of Lady Gueniver's story land where the characters await the whims of the muse.

Setting: A large room, furnished with an endless late 70's tangerine colored sectional. Lighting is indirect, there is Muzak playing. The room has only two doors one leads into the room one leads out to the muse's office.

Xena: Mind if I join you, handsome?

Spock: (not looking up from a thick stack of paper) That seat is occupied.

Xena: I don't see anyone in it. (She smiles and sits deliberately too close to the Vulcan)

Spock: My companion will be returning momentarily.

Xena: She in with the Lady? (points her chin to the door)

Spock: (still not looking up) She is not.

Gabrielle (sitting across the room beckons her friend): Xena! Get back over here! Leave him alone.

Xena: (leaning conspiratorially to the Vulcan - whispers) Women! Hey, your girlfriend that possessive?

Spock looks up at her, eyebrow cocked. He doesn't answer.

Xena: (Laughing) That's what I thought.

(Giggling is heard, Xena looks up to see Gabrielle smiling broadly at Mork from Ork and laughing at his extended hand)

Mork: Nanoo-nanoo!

Xena: (looking worried) Well, gotta go. (Rises quickly then turns as an after thought) Hey, you've been getting a lot of time with the ol' lady. Put in a good word for us, will ya? It gets kinda old hanging out with these clowns. (Gestures to corner where Marcel Marceau and The Joker sit playing gin with Mr. Mime and a Cirque de Soleil acrobat).

Spock sighs and returns to the pile of paper in his lap. The entrance door opens and Christine walks in with Lwaxana Troi and Number One.

Christine: Thanks ladies, I appreciate the advice. (catches Spock's eyes with a pained expression and sits in the chair next to him).

Spock: (in a low voice) More ideas?

Christine: God, Spock, I swear! They just sit here for ages thinking of ways to get into stories. The long lost sister, the mother I never knew. Now they've decided on another one.

Spock: Do I wish to know?

Christine: Oh, how's this? Q is really Trelane's father.

Spock: Trelane?

Jim (from behind Spock where he reads a single sheet of paper): Trelane--that spoiled brat with the planet and the mirror. You remember, you played piano for us.

Spock: Ah, yes, the minuet.

Christine: Right. That Trelane. The story goes like this. Number One beams down to the planet with you and Jim as part of the landing party. Trelane starts mooning over her. (Jim snorts derisively) Trelane decides to play Barbie with Number One and changes her hair and puts her in a tiny skirt and presto-chango she's me.

Spock: Ah, once again. I fail to understand why she believes that you and she bear a strong resemblance.

Christine: That's what I was trying to explain to her, but you know how she is.

Spock shakes his head and returns to reading.

Jim: What have you got there?

Spock: More of the same. (Hands a 10-page bundle from the pile to the man)

Jim: Wow!

Christine: What?

Jim: Boy, has Lady G got a thing for that ahn woon.

Christine: Let me see that. (Snatches the paper from him). Oh, lord! It looks exactly the same as … wait a minute. (Looks at Spock suspiciously) This is "Veltra", isn't it?

Spock pretends to be otherwise occupied with the pile of papers.

Christine: Spock! Are you sitting here reading "Veltra" again? For crying out loud, we need to work on "One Part Go Away" now.

Spock: I would prefer something more … (looks at her intensely) inspirational.

Jim: Hey, now! There'll be none of that in here. Some of us haven't gotten any playtime in years!

Winnie the Pooh: (hand stuck in a honey jar) Did I hear someone say playtime? (springing sound can be heard approaching) Oh, bother. (Tigger bounces the bear away).

Jim: You know this place is really getting crazy! (Muzak changes from "Hakuna Matata" to Patsy Cline singing "Crazy"). I hate it when that happens!

Christine: Jim, c'mon now. You got plenty of airtime from NBC and UPN. I think it's only fair that some of us get a little of our own share of the time.

Jim: Look, I know this is just pretend and all, but I'd really love to have some decent dialogue. Why can't she write something for me?

Jared the Pretender: At least you got a beer with your dialogue in that last story. All I got was a single line in my story.

Spock: (pulls another story from the stack of paper and hands it to the Pretender) You may wish to read this before you continue your line of conversation.

Jared: Thank you (smiling like a child at the Vulcan) Hmm … looks like I might end up being your rival, Mr. Spock. (winks at Christine).

Spock: I am strangely unintimidated. (very coolly - cuts eyes at the muscular man)

Jim: Bones. Bones! (Calls to the doctor who sits with his arm around Gabrielle and a mint julep in his hand) C'mere! Spock's gonna fight the pretty boy!

Christine: Jim, stop that. There won't be a fight.

The two men continue the icy stand off.

The door opens. A group of women enter and look around the room as if lost for a moment.

Christine recognizes them at once and points to the Muse's office door smiling: She's in there.

The women continue on through to the next room. As the door closes, all eyes turn to Christine questioningly.

Christine: Oh c'mon! Don't you even pay attention? Those are the Libidinous Ladies of the List!

A stunned sound of awe fills the room.

Pooh: (sitting up from the place on the floor where he lay with the honey pot now over his head) The what of the who of the where?

Xena laughs and slaps her thigh: Go ahead, gentlemen. Explain it to the bear!

Spock looks uncomfortably at his two male friends.

The muse's door opens again.

Gueniver: Spock, Christine!

Christine: Sorry, guys, time to go. (She grabs Spock's arm and pulls him to his feet. Papers fall and land everywhere)

Spock: One moment, Christine, I must--

Gueniver: Spock! Just leave it. The ladies want you to read the last scene to the "One Part Go Away's" sequel. C'mon!

Christine: Jared, Jim, Pick up Spock's things. Please?

Jim: Pick up Spock's things … what am I a maid?

Xena: Now there's an image that's sure to stick in your mind! Jim Kirk in a maid's outfit! (laughing) Feather duster in hand…

Jim kneels down to pick up the papers scowling.

Jared slowly kneels down, smiles kindly to the captain: A French Maid's costume!

Jim: Not you too!

Jared: Nah, I'm just pretending…. (wink)