DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of DebbieB and is copyright (c) 2000 by DebbieB.

 

The kiss on Platonius, as played by Charlie Brown and Lucy.

 

Chapel: Oh, Spppooooockkkk! How would you like to kiss me?

Spock: I'm not falling for that again, Christine. Every time I try to kiss you, you pull your lips out from under me at exactly the last moment, and I end up looking like a fool.

Chapel: Do you know what your problem is? You have a lack of self-esteem. If you had self-esteem, you wouldn't worry about whether or not I pulled my lips out from under you. You'd just kiss me.

Spock: Self-esteem? I don't have self-esteem?

Chapel: A person with self-esteem wouldn't let another person pull their lips out from under them every time they tried to kiss them, would they, Mr. Spock?

Spock: Well, no, I suppose not. But what can I do? How do I get self-esteem?

Chapel: Easy. You need an analyst.

Spock: An analyst?

Chapel: You know, a caring mental health professional to help you sort through your neuroses and self-doubt. Someone with the scientific training and personal sensitivity to help you come to grips with your own feelings of inadequacy in regards to kissing a girl.

Spock: An analyst?

(Chapel puts out a hand-written sign: The Analyst Is In. Five Cents)

Chapel: What can I help you with, Mr. Spock?

Spock: Well, doctor, there's this girl I want to kiss. But every time I try to kiss her, she pulls her lips out from under me and I end up looking like a fool.

Chapel: What I'm seeing here is a deep-seated neurosis stemming from your ambivalent feelings regarding your mother. That'll be five cents, please.

Spock: My mother? What does my mother have to do with anything?

Chapel: Your mother represents your feelings for women in general, thus resulting in your inability to kiss the girl you want to kiss. I'm sorry. You're time is up. That'll be five cents, please.

Spock: But you didn't cure me! How do I kiss the girl? I don't understand?

Chapel: (taking down sign) Just kiss her, you blockhead.

Spock: (thinking aloud) She's right. Just kiss her. That's all I have to do. No insecurity, no low self-esteem. (Pulls away from Chapel to "rev" up his engines.) I'll show her. I'll kiss her so hard she'll go to the moon! Look out, Nurse Chapel. This is the big one.

(Spock leans over to kiss Chapel, who pulls out at the last minute, leaving him looking like a fool.)

Spock: ARGH! You pulled away!!

Chapel: Funny thing about psychiatry. It isn't really an exact science. Bye-bye, Mr. Spock.