DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Catherine Kay and is copyright (c) 2000 by Catherine Kay.

You know you're from Iotia when...

Catherine Kay

You know you are on Iotia when the car who has the right of way at a four way stop has it because the driver has shot the tires out of the other three cars.

You know you are on Iotia because the radio stations only play gangster rap.

You know you are on Iotia when a Yard Sale means a discount sale on grave plots.

All the best dressed women wear designer gun holders.

NRA rallies are practically national holidays.

Instead of Dayton's White sale they hold a Dayton's Gun sale.

The big chain stores in malls are Smith and Wesson, Winchester, and Colt.

Every Boss has a man like 007's Q working for him.

Every child must learn how to assemble and disassemble a gun by the time they go to Kindergarten.

Every child must go to school to learn ungrammatical English.

Instead of "Silence is Golden" it's "Silencers are Golden"

The world powers are currently in a Communicator Race.

Teens earn money in the summer by running liquor.

Liquor is an absolute necessity as it is the only way to legally bind a contract.

Shot gun marriages are standard.

Every doorway has a metal detector. If you aren't carrying enough, a weapon will be provided for you.

Every mother has an ancient family recipe for bathtub gin.

The book "Chicago Gangster's of the 1930's" is in every hotel drawer.

All churches have a huge statue of Al Capone in the front.

All towns have a Bonnie and Clyde Park, School or Library.

And finally you know you are on Iota when in a heat emergency they ask citizens to hold the killing down to one dead person per family every three days as the morgue is running low on ice.